Chapter Two Excerpt - "A Man's Guide to Women"

How to Successfully Date Single Women

You've chosen a singe girl who is interested in you. You've met her or already know her. You come now to that phase of a relationship affectionately referred to as "dating." Just as in any other phase of the relationship, you are being judged. But since you are now going to be spending hours together, the pressure is really on. We have a lot of good tips to make your dates with single women a success.

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Tip #1 - There are good ways and bad ways to ask a girl out. The bad way to ask a girl out is, "Would you like to out with me? By saying this:

  1. You set yourself up for rejection. She might say no.
  2. You imply that she would be doing you a favor by going out with you.
  3. You imply a formal date. You are making a move on her. The pressure is on her.
  4. If she says "No," you are never sure whether to ask her again for another time. Was it, "No, I don't want to go out with you," or "No, I want to go out with you but I'm busy that night."
  5. You literally sound like a junior high kid asking a girl out on his first date.

The right way to ask a girl out on a date is, "Let's get together and do something sometime." Memorize these words! By saying this, you give the impression of a casual meeting. No big deal. Friends getting to know each other. Not a formal date. If you say this, her response will let you know whether she wants to date you or not.

If she is interested, she will respond in the positive, but also her tone will be positive. The expression on her face will be positive. She may even lead the conversation to making a specific time to do something. If you do get a positive response, you can either pursue the conversation and arrange to meet on a casual date or leave it until the next time you meet. You know she wants to get together and she will be waiting, now that you have teased her with talk of a date but offered no specific plans. You are being elusive and playing hard to get. Her anticipation works in your favor.

The beauty of using this exact phrase is:

  1. You are not set up for rejection. After all, you have not really asked her out on a date. You've made a statement.
  2. You are throwing out an offer. The implication is that you are doing her a favor. She is not doing you a favor by going out with you.
  3. It implies a casual get-together to get to know each other, not a formal date.
  4. You know for sure whether she wants to date you or not.
  5. You aren't asking her. You are making a statement which says something about you. You are the type of person that likes to do things with friends, and of course she would like to participate. After all, there is not pressure. You are a confident, friendly, fun-loving person who is doing things.

Now re-read that phrase. "Let's get together and do something sometime." See how much better it is than asking a question that may get you a wrong answer?

Tip #2 - If possible, avoid asking single women out for the first time for a Friday or Saturday night. Why?:

  1. The odds of her being busy are high so she may have to turn you down, which creates bad vibes right off.
  2. It tells her that you don't have a date for the weekend with someone else so you may have trouble getting dates.
  3. The weekend implies formal dating, so the pressure is on.
  4. If you do get the date, she may have to turn down other offers because of her commitment to you, and go into the evening regretting having to turn down others. After all, she has no way of knowing whether she is going to have a good time with you or not.

On the other hand, if you ask her out during the week:

  1. You imply that you are busy on the weekend. In other words, you are involved with other single girls.
  2. The odds of her being available are greater.
  3. Weeknights imply casual-no pressure, a good atmosphere to get to know her.
  4. You have turned a dull weeknight into a good time for her - good vibes right off the bat.

Tip #3 - How many times should you ask a girl out for a date before you give up? A friend of ours told us that he would ask a girl three times before he would give up. Why he arbitrarily picked three, we don't know. Probably because in baseball you get three strikes before you are out.

Our rule of thumb is once. If she legitimately has other plans and wants to do something with you, she will communicate this. "Oh, I'd love to, but I just can't. I can make it some other time..." If she is uninterested, she will make herself unavailable. In this case, drop it. You only make matters worse for yourself if you pursue it.

Tip #4 - In general, single women go on dates to have a good time - not to be serious. Keep this in mind when you plan the activities. Make sure you are mentally and emotionally prepared to be "up" and positive for the date.

Tip #5 - Make the first dates with a girl casual. You may even do something during the day rather than in the evening. Save formal dates for later on when you are more comfortable with her. Most men do the opposite. Formal dates at first, and then as the relationship develops, the dates become more and more casual. This can imply to the girl that she is being taken for granted.

Tip #6 - For the first dates with single women, try to go for spontaneous, informal gatherings, rather than dates arranged days in advance.

Example: "By the way, some friends are coming over for dinner tonight. It's very informal. Come and join us." If she can't you say, "That's too bad. You'd have enjoyed it. Maybe some other time." If she does join you, you are in a great position to present your best side to her.

Tip #7 - Make sure your body language is inviting to her during the date and not a turn-off. Your eye contact and closeness should be open to her, but not crowding or threatening. Again, if she is having a good time, she will be open to contact. Remember, single women enjoy sensuality.

Tip #8 - Have every detail of the date planned, but make it seem spontaneous. Try to go somewhere familiar to you so you'll know what to expect. Even go to movies you've seen before so you know it's a good one.

Tip #9 - End the date before she does. Example: The evening is winding down. It's pretty obvious that you aren't going to "get lucky for some hot sex" this night, but you hang on until the bitter end hoping that the chance in a million shot will come through. Wrong! Instead you alertly perceive that the evening is still going well and positive, so you politely explain that you have to go, assure her that you had a great time, and tell her you'll have to get together again. Take her home and say, "good night."

Most men seem to think that if they prolong the date enough, they'll get the girl in bed. As the evening drags on, the mood of the date starts to drop and the girl ends up having to announce it's time for her to go. By ending the date before she does, you surprise her and set yourself apart. You imply that you are hard to get, and not desperate. And believe us, if the girl is interested in going to bed, you'll know it. She will make her sexual interest in you known to you. So if she hasn't given you the signals, better for you to make your exit and beat her at her own game. She'll be giving you the sexual signals someday soon.

Tip #10 - A friend of ours that is a very quick thinker told us this story: He was out with a girl and throughout the evening it was obvious that she had no intention of going to bed with him. Convincingly, she gave the impression that she thought she was a real hot item and the type that enjoyed saying "no" to men. So he let the evening run its course and when he drove into her driveway (just when things would be awkward), he said, "By the way, may I use your phone?"

Then, he came into her house, went to the phone, faked a phone call (making sure that she could not hear the conversation), hung up the phone, walked past her to the door as if he had somewhere to go, and said, "I enjoyed the evening. See you again." He said that she stood in the doorway watching him leave in disbelief. She, of course, was thinking that he was bored with her, called another girl, and was going to see her. He said it was the only way he could think of to get out of the situation with his dignity.

The lesson, of course, is when the handwriting is on the wall, and there is no future with a girl, cut your losses and get out as cleanly as you can. Hanging around, for at best a good night kiss, isn't worth the loss of your dignity.

Tip #11 - Don't forget that you are on trial. Always be aware of your image. Be aware of how she is perceiving you. Be aware of the eight elements of what single women are really looking for described in another chapter.


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